Comfort Box Tutorial!

Hey Guys!
I've been meaning to make a comfort box Tutorial for ages.

Step one: Decorate your box
So I started with a purple box from a stationers and bought myself some stickers to stick on it. I then stuck some of my favourite photos onto it, and a cute cat-related quote on the back. I've now also decorated the top with decorative tape however do not have the energy to take more photographs.

Step two: Fill your box
Once my box was decorated I then had to fill it with things that would bring me comfort if I was going through a bad day or a relapse. Small things that fit in the box neatly are best, such as small books and little trinkets. I filled my box with the following:

A journal with a pen, where I can write all my thoughts down on a bad day or during a relapse, this helps me to get out my emotions onto paper and also log my feelings so that I can show anyone professional who might be able to help me during a relapse. I also put in some little teddies, as they bring comfort to me and are small enough to sit in the palm of my hand, or travel in my handbag if I'm feeling particularly anxious.

In my box I've also included things to look at (special greetings cards, photograph, things from the charities I support) as these are not taxing but still bring some relief and comfort. I've also put in some things to do (stickers, cross stitch kits, playing cards etc) in case I get bored during a relapse and want something fun to do or make.

I've put in some sentimental items (the bracelet my granny gave me, a piece of welding my friend gave me, the necklace I wore at my baptism etc) so that I can remember the good times during the bad. The little brass telescope is the concept for a children's book I plan to write one day, and on the bottom left is a little bag of worry dolls. The idea of worry dolls is that you tell each one a problem before you go to sleep, pop them under your pillow and they 'take your worries away.' I've also put in a little pot of glitter, because sparkles!!!

The final few items I've added to my box are; some beauty stuff because everyone needs to feel pretty every once in a while, some books including my favourite book and some bible study notes for students, some prayer cards people gave me, my 'Canada' cat, made for me by a close friend of mine who sufferers with severe M.E. and some tissues, because everyone needs a good cry every now and again!

I hope this helps you to make and fill your own comfort box, it's well worth it,

Lots of love, Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

The Daley Model for Understanding the Mind

So I made this earlier this evening, and thought I'd share it with you all. This is basically what goes on inside my head and it's a model for anyone else with any sort of mental health problems to help them understand what's going on inside their head a little better, and to help mental health professionals understand what needs a patient has. It compliments the idea that the only real diagnosis of someone with mental health issues is themselves, because the human mind is much more complicated than a bit of psychology jargon. So yeah, shown below is my own 'MUM' (Model for Understanding the Mind) and I'd love to know what you think.

I realise that this may not make a lot of sense on it's own to most of you. Which is why I've devised a key. The key may help you to make a 'MUM' of your own, using my ideas. For example if you have the illness Bipolar disorder, your red circles could be 'aspects of bipolar disorder.' or if you experience extreme or risky behaviours, you could put that in a green square as a heading and then list them with black text.

I hope this will be helpful for you guys, and if you pass it on to others, please accredit it to me! Thank you! Love you lots and take care! 

Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

Mental Heath Fun and Joyness Part One

So I've spent the last three weeks on a psychiatric ward. Let me give you an overview of the events of the first week:

• Saturday 16th November - Went home to see a friend on a psychiatric ward in Shrewsbury, went to another friend's birthday party, stayed the night at my parents house, slept very badly due to anxiety.
• Sunday 17th November - Went to a great church service, saw friends in Shrewsbury before travelling back to Nottingham again.
• Monday 18th November - Went to the hospital to get the cast removed from my wrist, which had been broken- doctor gave it the all clear. Went into school and did teaching assistant style work in some great lessons.
• Tuesday 19th November - Went into school and did teaching assistant style work in some great lessons, followed by community choir.
• Wednesday 20th November - Went into the office and did some coursework in the morning. Had an appointment with the Early Intervention in Psychosis Team where I saw a horrible doctor, a student nurse, and a lovely community psychiatric nurse named Chris.

Now this Wednesday was the day it all kicked off. I've been hearing voices and having strange hallucinations for the past 12 months or so, but they'd been controllable, kind of. The Early Intervention Team, I had hoped, would be my answer, yet during my appointment they seemed to offer no solutions or help whatsoever. The doctor did not listen to me and was very removed from my situation. I was extremely distressed by the time that I left the appointment, and this was obviously evident to Chris, who apparently tried to follow me in his car so he could give me a lift home, but to no avail as I'd already started walking back into town.

I was so upset I couldn't face getting the bus so I walked through the driving rain from West Bridgeford to Nottingham, across Trent Bridge which was particularly difficult as the voice kept telling me to jump off it. I has arranged to visit my friend Fiona as she was unwell, but I was so distressed and preoccupied I cancelled. I'd been texting my friend Sam and we'd sort of made plans to meet in Nottingham. By the time I got to the Broadmarsh shopping centre, the voice was mostly in control of my body. It wanted to kill me, and knew I had multiple tablets in my bag. I went into Wilkinson's and bought a bottle of water for 29p. 

After this, I went upstairs to the toilets- a place where I'd self-harmed before. It kind of felt comforting up there, I don't really know why. The voice was completely in control at that point though I was still trying to text Sam. With shaking hands I took the pills, one at a time. 14 paracetamol, 8 fluoxetine, 4 codeine and 8 amitriptyline tablets. As soon as I realised what the voice had done to me, I text Sam and asked him to come and meet me. When I told him what I'd done, I expected him to panic, but fortunately, he was really calm the whole time.

He took me to the walk in centre, where I remember vomiting a few times. After that, my memory goes almost completely blank, aside from a few images of A&E, particularly my boss looking at my with concerned eyes. I remember thinking 'uh-oh... my boss knows what I've done... I'm in real trouble!' My next memory after that was when I arrived onto the medical ward. The nurses were very kind and one time I tipped a bowl of sick over myself and they helped me get changed and changed the bed. I had a drip running into my hand and can remember retching endlessly, my stomach totally empty but my body still fighting against the overdose. I was on the medical ward for two nights, but thankfully no permanent damage has been done.

• Thursday 21st December - Chris from the EIP Team came to see me, and we agreed it was best for me to spend some time on a psychiatric ward as an informal patient (not sectioned under the mental health act) He went back to my host home and collected some belongings. Sam and my boss came to visit me in the hospital. Sam bought me a white hot chocolate from Costa and it was really tasty. I felt really guilty about what I'd put everyone through, but was grateful for the company too.
• Friday 22nd December - I was still waiting for a bed on the psychiatric ward, and was getting increasing frustrated at the fact I still hadn't got one. My parents and my sister came to visit, and they were much more supportive than I'd expected them to be. I got a bed on a ward in Mansfield and so my parents drove me up there. The ward was very strange- I'd never stayed on a psychiatric ward so it was all new and weird. The other patients scared me but the nurses and health care assistants were nice. They sorted through all my belongings, removing anything I could possibly harm myself with (shoelaces, needles etc) I also saw the duty doctor that night, and he was extremely arrogant and rude, focussed entirely on my eating problems and refused to listen to me, or even give me time to answer his questions.

This is the end of part one, I'm going to be writing part two soon, but will write each part as a whole week.

Love you lots,
Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

The Little Princess Trust

Hey Guys!

So I've not posted for ages but I wanted to tell you about a thing I'm doing. I'm having almost all my hair cut off tomorrow, and I'm donating it to a charity that makes wigs for children who've lost their hair through cancer, alopecia and other illnesses. The charity is called The Little Princess Trust.

My hair will cost The Little Princess Trust £350 to make into a wig, so I'm hoping to raise that much on my justgiving page: http://www.justgiving.com/Alice-Daley

It would be so awesome if you guys could donate to The Little Princess Trust, even if it's just £1 or $1

Thanks guys! Love you loads!
Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

A future and a hope

Well hey there dudes!

Happy post time- yay!
So I've just come back from a weekend with my amazing boyfriend and his family, I had such a lovely time with them and I wanted to tell you all about my newest shenanigans! 

So I'm much, much better than I was- I'm walking and everything! I still have to be quite careful about how hard I push myself and I sleep- a lot! But I'm now a volunteer trainee youth-worker with Christian Charity Youth for Christ in Nottinghamshire. Living with a lovely lady and working in some great schools with some amazing young people. I've started a YFC specific blog which you can read here. 

My mental health's been up and down but I'm coping okay with it pretty well with help of my amazing friends. I'm finally getting an appointment to start getting things sorted so that's good.

I've decided I'd love to work with disabled children in a special school so next year I'm hoping to do an apprenticeship as a teaching assistant. I have a future and a hope, because God has a plan for my life.

Signing out, take care lovelies
Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

Late night ramblings

Ok so I've been away a while and a lot has happened, and I'll update you all in some other blog post but I am just going to ramble for a bit if that's okay with you.

I'm back on the antidepressants, in fact I'm on a lot of tablets, but I won't mention them all. Firstly- amitriptyline. A tricyclic antidepressant used for long term pain, often used in ME patients. The tablets are blue which makes me happy and they used to help me sleep except now they don't. They make the pain a little more bearable without turning me into a total zombie, I guess.

Secondly- fluoxetine. Now this is a SSRI antidepressant used for moderate to major depression. I'd been off this for a couple of years, but my mental health has been rubbish the last few weeks for some unknown reason and so a doctor decided I should be back on them. Side effects include diarrhoea, insomnia, feeling 'numb,' anxiety, and increased thoughts of suicide. Yeah, not sure if I'd rather take them or not, but not taking them wasn't working so I might as well try taking them again, eh?

Thirdly- codeine. Strong opiate used for analgesia, gives me unbearable nausea and turns me into a zombie. Don't take it unless I'm screaming in agony, but it does pretty much kill the pain, mainly because I'm so off my face. Side effects include constipation which is a pain in the bum (pun intended.)

And finally- cyclizine. Actually an anti-histamine used as an anti-emetic which I find very effective for nausea and vomiting. Not too many side effects thankfully, though I can't always tell ME and side effects apart!

But what would happen if I stopped taking all these medications? Would I die? Probably not. Would I feel better because of no side effects? Possibly. I hate the way anti-depressants alter who I am; I lose my vibrancy when I'm on them. Yeah, I don't get as depressed and suicidal  but I can't feel happy either. It makes my emotions grey-scale  I'm gunna see how they go for a month or so, but if they're not helping more than they're hindering, I'm going to stop taking them, with doctor's permission of course. I don't want to become dependant on any medications, yet I somehow need them to survive life as me. ME, as well as mental health problems is not an easy road to ride, but I'm going to keep riding it as long as I can, and I always believe there's hope for getting better from both.

Big love and hugs to you all- Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

A few of my favourite things

Hey guys, so I'm not feeling up to much emotionally, but I thought I'd share with you some of my favourite books, films, bands and things! I've got really varied tastes, but I'll dabble with a bit of anything, as long as it's not scary! If you like any of the things I mention, tell me, and if you have anything to recommend, let me know! I'd love to hear from you.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are book which you can't tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.” -The fault in our stars, John Green

'The fault in our stars' is my all time favourite book, it's such a beautiful portrayal of illness; chronic and terminal, and also romance. Green touches on some raw nerves with such delicacy and charm, that you have to read on. This story warms your heart on one page, then rips it out on the next, the emotions are so tender and true. Yet there's a spark of humour and lightness to it- it's not a heavy read. I've been listening to it on audio book almost every few days, and I think it's simply the best.

Another book that I've found great to read recently had been 'The woman who went to bed for a year' by Sue Townsend. This is a brilliant novel that hilariously de-constructs modern family life. With the characters developed sensitively and many common family issues tackles with a lot of tact and grace, I really enjoyed reading this book whilst on holiday in New Zealand- I bought it at the airport. When Eva's twins head off to university, she climbs into bed and stays there for a year. It's such a honest tale, and I really enjoyed reading it as it was funny too, making me laugh and cry on the same page.

I've also been introduced to some new music of late; my friend Patrick sent me a link to a song by a band named 'Templeton Pek' and I really love the sound they make, it's classic English rock but somehow it feels fresh and new. I think they're really talented and although they are reasonably well known in Europe, the British 'pop culture' means that they're overlooked in our country. Such a great up-and-coming band shouldn't be ignored! (If anyone wants to buy me their new album, 'signs' I will bake you cookies!)

Recommended by the Author of 'The fault in our stars' John Green, I listened to some of Ruby Day's music. This London teenager is so amazingly talented, I cannot stop listening to her. This song in particular, 'doubts' really spoke to me as the lyrics say so much of what I feel. I really hope she makes it as a top singer/songwriter.

'I guess it's just one of those nights, where I can't get out of my head. I guess I'll be all right, I should probably just go to bed.

But the future scares me I'm not gunna lie, 'cause although I'm bright I'm not smart enough to try- for fear of failing when I've really done my best.

And I've come dangerously close, to giving this all up. I stare into my tea like the answer's hidden in a flipping cup. So put that record on again, I'll confess this to you like we're old friends, but we're not.'

Another song that really hit home was one I found as backing track on a parkour video (yes I watch people jumping off buildings and stuff for fun- don't judge me) and it's 'Modern Leper' by frightened rabbits. The lyrics again and the style of the music was so powerful. These words remind me of how I felt with Jacob sometimes.

'Well, is that you in front of me?

Coming back for even more of exactly the same.

You must be a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg.

Well, I am ill, but I'm not dead

And I don't know which of those I prefer,

because that limb which I have lost-

well, it was the only thing holding me up.'

On a more positive note, I have some of my all time favourite films to share with you. The first of which being 'The Aristocats.' I just find it so cute, I mean who doesn't love Disney?! Thomas O'Malley is so cool and Duchess is so prim and proper, and with my love of all things feline- who can blame me for loving this?

I really like watching kids films, especially when I'm poorly. Jacob introduced me to Studio Ghibli, a Japanese anime film company, and when I watched 'My neighbour Totoro,' I fell in love with the characters and the animation style. I like other films by them too, such as 'Howl's moving castle,' and 'The cat returns.'

Onto TV shows now and I have to admit I am a sucker for medical dramas! I have no idea why though seeing as I really really hate hospitals- they're terrifying. I first got into the BBC's Casualty when I was fifteen and then found out about 'Holby City' which is a mid-week drama set in the same hospital. My favourite character; Tara Lowe- a first year doctor with a brain tumour and a wit as sharp as any razor, unfortunately died during an operation to reduce the size of the tumour, and I actually cried- sad I know! But when you're so isolated with a chronic illness, book and television characters become your friends- they are a part of your life that doesn't change, and who don't abandon you because of your illness or disability. 

So now I've bored you to death with some of the stuff I like, I have a couple of announcements to make. I will not have internet at my new place, which although disappointing might give me some time to work on some stuff that I've been meaning to do for ages. However- have no fear! I will still be blogging once a week, on whatever regular day I can manage to get over to my parents old house and use the internet! (I think it'll probably be Friday) I'm moving today so a little apprehensive, but hopefully it'll all go well and I'll update you soon!

Much loves, Peace out!
Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

Heartbreak, homes, and hospitals.

So I appreciate I've somewhat abandoned the blog for the past week or so, sorry. I've had a really awful time, involving being admitted to hospital, having a serious panic attack in the hospital on the day of my anniversary with Jacob, Jacob breaking up via Facebook with me two days later on the grounds that he can no longer handle my illness, me deciding to move back in with my parents if they can rent somewhere with downstairs bedroom/bathroom, and generally huge changes.

As you'd expect, these events have caused a huge M.E. relapse and so I'll most likely not be posting very often on here because doing anything more than about 10 minutes wears me out. Needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods, or the best of health. My world has been shattered, turned upside down, and the broken remains thrown into the sea. 

But I will come through this, I have survived much worse things, and I know I'm strong enough to cope. Well, with the support of my wonderful friends and lovely family, I will get through this. I'm sorry if I don't talk to you, or open up to you, it's nothing personal, there's just a few people I want to talk to and lots of people who I'd rather not. It's not your fault, I just can't really handle much right now.

Expect my blog posts to be reasonably awful for some time, I do apologise but the blog is only as good as the blogger and right now your blogger is going through the mill somewhat. I love you guys loads, stay strong. Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

It's M.E. awareness day!

*ANNOUNCEMENT*

30 posts, 10 months, and 5000 views!

I'm so unbelievably pleased as today is M.E. awareness day,
and I've hit 5000 views, which was my goal, my deadline being today!

So thank you all for your ongoing support and readership, it really makes me so pleased, and lets me know that the energy I spend on this blog is worth it.

*ANNOUNCEMENT*

So let's get on with the M.E. awareness day post shall we?
Firstly, I've made a video, specifically to raise awareness of severe M.E. the 25% group. The sound quality isn't great as my speech isn't always very good but it's not very complex or hard to watch so I'd really appreciate it if you all watched it:

And in true M.E. fashion, I am unable to finish what was going to be a spectacular post as I've taken a huge turn for the worst. Great. Sorry.

Well folks, I love you all lots,
Happy M.E. awareness day,
Alice
xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

Alice's top 10 things that can make surviving severe M.E. a little bit easier!

Hi guys, this is a fairly picture heavy post, but I wanted to share with you some of the aids I find helpful living with severe M.E. Not all of these will be relevant or helpful to all of you, but I'm hoping there will be something here for all of you.

A whiteboard can be really useful if you need to communicate with someone but do not have the energy to speak, for example carers or family members. Of course, you have to be able to write and for some this is harder, but if you find speaking an issue then a whiteboard is great. Plus they can be fun for simple games such as tic tac toe and hangman.

Many people with M.E. suffer with insufficient temperature regulation, I certainly do; having a high fever at night or feeling too cold but still sweaty. I find if you can cope with the noise from a fan, it can be really helpful to keep you cool, and to keep the air moving around the room. Wearing thin layers of clothing can help too, as you can easily add or subtract layers to keep yourself comfortable.

The only problem I have with the 'grabby stick' or 'easy reacher' is that I often don't have the grip in my hands to operate it. However, if you still have fairly good hands but can't sit up to reach something, then it's really useful.

If you're bed-bound like me, a commode is essential. Some of you may need to use the bedpan, but for those of you who can transfer with help and sit up for a few minutes the commode will be very useful. One with wheels can be useful too especially if you don't have a wheelchair to use indoors. You can ask you occupational therapist and they should provide one for you.

This is something else that the occupational therapist can provide for you if you are predominantly bed bound, and they also do seat cushions if you're in a chair for a lot of the day. They stop you getting sores on your pressure areas, though it's still important to move every so often if you're able, or ask your carers to roll you over.

So I usually use my hydrant (like a bottle with a long tube and a valve on which syphons liquid through thus illiminating the need to suck) but if you can't lift a cup and you're looking for a cheaper alternative, I recommend using straws. However, if you struggle to suck, as I sometimes do, you may ask a carer to spoon liquid into your mouth, though this takes some getting used to.

My eye-mask and sunglasses are two of my best friends! For those of you who are light sensitive, and those of you with insomnia, these are indispensable!

Or ear plugs if you can't handle the pressure of something on your head, or you're not as sensitive. I tend to use mine if there's any building work or lawnmowers going on, or if I'm having a bad sensitivity day.

Hot water bottles are really good for easing pain, particularly stomach cramps and back pain. However they can be dangerous, as they are filled with hot water, so wheat bags you microwave are sometimes more useful, though I cannot handle the smell of these.

Good family and friends make all the difference, as well as supportive carers, and decent medical health professionals. Many of us with M.E. can lose relationships through this illness; lack of communication, disbelief, frustration and such, but keep hold of the friends that stick by you through everything, they are treasures.

I hope this has helped a little, and given you some ideas you may not have had in the past. Tomorrow is M.E. awareness day and I'll be writing a special post as well as uploading a video to my YouTube account: Thoughts From Alice which I'll include in tomorrow's post.

Love you,
Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013