Secondly- fluoxetine. Now this is a SSRI antidepressant used for moderate to major depression. I'd been off this for a couple of years, but my mental health has been rubbish the last few weeks for some unknown reason and so a doctor decided I should be back on them. Side effects include diarrhoea, insomnia, feeling 'numb,' anxiety, and increased thoughts of suicide. Yeah, not sure if I'd rather take them or not, but not taking them wasn't working so I might as well try taking them again, eh?
Thirdly- codeine. Strong opiate used for analgesia, gives me unbearable nausea and turns me into a zombie. Don't take it unless I'm screaming in agony, but it does pretty much kill the pain, mainly because I'm so off my face. Side effects include constipation which is a pain in the bum (pun intended.)
And finally- cyclizine. Actually an anti-histamine used as an anti-emetic which I find very effective for nausea and vomiting. Not too many side effects thankfully, though I can't always tell ME and side effects apart!
But what would happen if I stopped taking all these medications? Would I die? Probably not. Would I feel better because of no side effects? Possibly. I hate the way anti-depressants alter who I am; I lose my vibrancy when I'm on them. Yeah, I don't get as depressed and suicidal but I can't feel happy either. It makes my emotions grey-scale I'm gunna see how they go for a month or so, but if they're not helping more than they're hindering, I'm going to stop taking them, with doctor's permission of course. I don't want to become dependant on any medications, yet I somehow need them to survive life as me. ME, as well as mental health problems is not an easy road to ride, but I'm going to keep riding it as long as I can, and I always believe there's hope for getting better from both.
Big love and hugs to you all- Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013
