A real-life relationship

So it's coming up to a year that Jacob and I have been an item, and I realised recently that we have a 'real-life' relationship. But what do I mean by that?

When you first meet someone, and you realise that you like them, you will modify your behaviour accordingly. You'll accentuate what you see as your best traits and hide some of your less attractive qualities. You may be a little slap dash with the truth, embellishing anecdotes and such, to make you seem like a more desirable partner. Everyone does it, it's not something to be ashamed of; it is simply human nature. 

First impressions count for a lot and can lead us to have false expectations of a person, based on their initial character and behaviour. A woman who seems very loud in the club will be assumed to be a confident and strong-willed one, whereas that nerdy guy you meet in the library is expected to be quiet and awkward. When we 'fall in love' we try to act as perfectly as we can, and that can lead to the danger of our lover believing we are perfect, and feeling more than a little put out when we inevitably hurt them or let them down. 

But humans aren't perfect. We are all flawed beings, even your partner will do things that annoy and upset you, but being a couple is not about living up to one-another's expectations. It's about reality; and sticking together through all of the tougher stuff.

In reality, everyone argues, everyone disagrees, and everyone gets hurt, even by the people that promise they'll never hurt you. A relationship where you never have a single disagreement at all is a very unhealthy one, as it probably means one half of the partnership is dominant, the other submissive. 

Relationships are about give and take, winning some battles and losing others, but not getting caught up on who hurt who and when. It's about unconditional love, forgiveness and reconciliation. I may not be the most experienced in relationships, but I've learnt a lot over the past year, and I'm still learning. And I've noticed a few things that can make things go a little more smoothly.
So, what are my top tips for a real-life relationship?

1. Let stuff go every once in a while, isn't your relationship worth more than a petty argument?
2. Assert yourself if something really matters to you, even if you'd rather just submit for a quieter life.
3. Try to strike the balance between assertion and submission, pick your battles carefully so you can protect what's most important to you.
4. Don't be scared of arguments; they are healthy at times.
5. Always make up before going to bed, never let things fester overnight.
6. Don't get other people involved unless you're sure they're going to help the situation, this is between you and your partner.
7. If you can't work things out in a few days, try and get an impartial third party to hear both sides of the story.
8. A kiss and a cuddle makes all the difference, remind yourself of all the positive things about your relationship, rather than focussing on a disagreement. 
9. Be real with one another, you can't live your whole life under the pretension that you're both perfect.
10. Be lovely people!

Peace Out,
Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013