Comfort Box Tutorial!

Hey Guys!
I've been meaning to make a comfort box Tutorial for ages.

Step one: Decorate your box
So I started with a purple box from a stationers and bought myself some stickers to stick on it. I then stuck some of my favourite photos onto it, and a cute cat-related quote on the back. I've now also decorated the top with decorative tape however do not have the energy to take more photographs.

Step two: Fill your box
Once my box was decorated I then had to fill it with things that would bring me comfort if I was going through a bad day or a relapse. Small things that fit in the box neatly are best, such as small books and little trinkets. I filled my box with the following:

A journal with a pen, where I can write all my thoughts down on a bad day or during a relapse, this helps me to get out my emotions onto paper and also log my feelings so that I can show anyone professional who might be able to help me during a relapse. I also put in some little teddies, as they bring comfort to me and are small enough to sit in the palm of my hand, or travel in my handbag if I'm feeling particularly anxious.

In my box I've also included things to look at (special greetings cards, photograph, things from the charities I support) as these are not taxing but still bring some relief and comfort. I've also put in some things to do (stickers, cross stitch kits, playing cards etc) in case I get bored during a relapse and want something fun to do or make.

I've put in some sentimental items (the bracelet my granny gave me, a piece of welding my friend gave me, the necklace I wore at my baptism etc) so that I can remember the good times during the bad. The little brass telescope is the concept for a children's book I plan to write one day, and on the bottom left is a little bag of worry dolls. The idea of worry dolls is that you tell each one a problem before you go to sleep, pop them under your pillow and they 'take your worries away.' I've also put in a little pot of glitter, because sparkles!!!

The final few items I've added to my box are; some beauty stuff because everyone needs to feel pretty every once in a while, some books including my favourite book and some bible study notes for students, some prayer cards people gave me, my 'Canada' cat, made for me by a close friend of mine who sufferers with severe M.E. and some tissues, because everyone needs a good cry every now and again!

I hope this helps you to make and fill your own comfort box, it's well worth it,

Lots of love, Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

The Daley Model for Understanding the Mind

So I made this earlier this evening, and thought I'd share it with you all. This is basically what goes on inside my head and it's a model for anyone else with any sort of mental health problems to help them understand what's going on inside their head a little better, and to help mental health professionals understand what needs a patient has. It compliments the idea that the only real diagnosis of someone with mental health issues is themselves, because the human mind is much more complicated than a bit of psychology jargon. So yeah, shown below is my own 'MUM' (Model for Understanding the Mind) and I'd love to know what you think.

I realise that this may not make a lot of sense on it's own to most of you. Which is why I've devised a key. The key may help you to make a 'MUM' of your own, using my ideas. For example if you have the illness Bipolar disorder, your red circles could be 'aspects of bipolar disorder.' or if you experience extreme or risky behaviours, you could put that in a green square as a heading and then list them with black text.

I hope this will be helpful for you guys, and if you pass it on to others, please accredit it to me! Thank you! Love you lots and take care! 

Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

Mental Heath Fun and Joyness Part One

So I've spent the last three weeks on a psychiatric ward. Let me give you an overview of the events of the first week:

• Saturday 16th November - Went home to see a friend on a psychiatric ward in Shrewsbury, went to another friend's birthday party, stayed the night at my parents house, slept very badly due to anxiety.
• Sunday 17th November - Went to a great church service, saw friends in Shrewsbury before travelling back to Nottingham again.
• Monday 18th November - Went to the hospital to get the cast removed from my wrist, which had been broken- doctor gave it the all clear. Went into school and did teaching assistant style work in some great lessons.
• Tuesday 19th November - Went into school and did teaching assistant style work in some great lessons, followed by community choir.
• Wednesday 20th November - Went into the office and did some coursework in the morning. Had an appointment with the Early Intervention in Psychosis Team where I saw a horrible doctor, a student nurse, and a lovely community psychiatric nurse named Chris.

Now this Wednesday was the day it all kicked off. I've been hearing voices and having strange hallucinations for the past 12 months or so, but they'd been controllable, kind of. The Early Intervention Team, I had hoped, would be my answer, yet during my appointment they seemed to offer no solutions or help whatsoever. The doctor did not listen to me and was very removed from my situation. I was extremely distressed by the time that I left the appointment, and this was obviously evident to Chris, who apparently tried to follow me in his car so he could give me a lift home, but to no avail as I'd already started walking back into town.

I was so upset I couldn't face getting the bus so I walked through the driving rain from West Bridgeford to Nottingham, across Trent Bridge which was particularly difficult as the voice kept telling me to jump off it. I has arranged to visit my friend Fiona as she was unwell, but I was so distressed and preoccupied I cancelled. I'd been texting my friend Sam and we'd sort of made plans to meet in Nottingham. By the time I got to the Broadmarsh shopping centre, the voice was mostly in control of my body. It wanted to kill me, and knew I had multiple tablets in my bag. I went into Wilkinson's and bought a bottle of water for 29p. 

After this, I went upstairs to the toilets- a place where I'd self-harmed before. It kind of felt comforting up there, I don't really know why. The voice was completely in control at that point though I was still trying to text Sam. With shaking hands I took the pills, one at a time. 14 paracetamol, 8 fluoxetine, 4 codeine and 8 amitriptyline tablets. As soon as I realised what the voice had done to me, I text Sam and asked him to come and meet me. When I told him what I'd done, I expected him to panic, but fortunately, he was really calm the whole time.

He took me to the walk in centre, where I remember vomiting a few times. After that, my memory goes almost completely blank, aside from a few images of A&E, particularly my boss looking at my with concerned eyes. I remember thinking 'uh-oh... my boss knows what I've done... I'm in real trouble!' My next memory after that was when I arrived onto the medical ward. The nurses were very kind and one time I tipped a bowl of sick over myself and they helped me get changed and changed the bed. I had a drip running into my hand and can remember retching endlessly, my stomach totally empty but my body still fighting against the overdose. I was on the medical ward for two nights, but thankfully no permanent damage has been done.

• Thursday 21st December - Chris from the EIP Team came to see me, and we agreed it was best for me to spend some time on a psychiatric ward as an informal patient (not sectioned under the mental health act) He went back to my host home and collected some belongings. Sam and my boss came to visit me in the hospital. Sam bought me a white hot chocolate from Costa and it was really tasty. I felt really guilty about what I'd put everyone through, but was grateful for the company too.
• Friday 22nd December - I was still waiting for a bed on the psychiatric ward, and was getting increasing frustrated at the fact I still hadn't got one. My parents and my sister came to visit, and they were much more supportive than I'd expected them to be. I got a bed on a ward in Mansfield and so my parents drove me up there. The ward was very strange- I'd never stayed on a psychiatric ward so it was all new and weird. The other patients scared me but the nurses and health care assistants were nice. They sorted through all my belongings, removing anything I could possibly harm myself with (shoelaces, needles etc) I also saw the duty doctor that night, and he was extremely arrogant and rude, focussed entirely on my eating problems and refused to listen to me, or even give me time to answer his questions.

This is the end of part one, I'm going to be writing part two soon, but will write each part as a whole week.

Love you lots,
Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

The Little Princess Trust

Hey Guys!

So I've not posted for ages but I wanted to tell you about a thing I'm doing. I'm having almost all my hair cut off tomorrow, and I'm donating it to a charity that makes wigs for children who've lost their hair through cancer, alopecia and other illnesses. The charity is called The Little Princess Trust.

My hair will cost The Little Princess Trust £350 to make into a wig, so I'm hoping to raise that much on my justgiving page: http://www.justgiving.com/Alice-Daley

It would be so awesome if you guys could donate to The Little Princess Trust, even if it's just £1 or $1

Thanks guys! Love you loads!
Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

A future and a hope

Well hey there dudes!

Happy post time- yay!
So I've just come back from a weekend with my amazing boyfriend and his family, I had such a lovely time with them and I wanted to tell you all about my newest shenanigans! 

So I'm much, much better than I was- I'm walking and everything! I still have to be quite careful about how hard I push myself and I sleep- a lot! But I'm now a volunteer trainee youth-worker with Christian Charity Youth for Christ in Nottinghamshire. Living with a lovely lady and working in some great schools with some amazing young people. I've started a YFC specific blog which you can read here. 

My mental health's been up and down but I'm coping okay with it pretty well with help of my amazing friends. I'm finally getting an appointment to start getting things sorted so that's good.

I've decided I'd love to work with disabled children in a special school so next year I'm hoping to do an apprenticeship as a teaching assistant. I have a future and a hope, because God has a plan for my life.

Signing out, take care lovelies
Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

Late night ramblings

Ok so I've been away a while and a lot has happened, and I'll update you all in some other blog post but I am just going to ramble for a bit if that's okay with you.

I'm back on the antidepressants, in fact I'm on a lot of tablets, but I won't mention them all. Firstly- amitriptyline. A tricyclic antidepressant used for long term pain, often used in ME patients. The tablets are blue which makes me happy and they used to help me sleep except now they don't. They make the pain a little more bearable without turning me into a total zombie, I guess.

Secondly- fluoxetine. Now this is a SSRI antidepressant used for moderate to major depression. I'd been off this for a couple of years, but my mental health has been rubbish the last few weeks for some unknown reason and so a doctor decided I should be back on them. Side effects include diarrhoea, insomnia, feeling 'numb,' anxiety, and increased thoughts of suicide. Yeah, not sure if I'd rather take them or not, but not taking them wasn't working so I might as well try taking them again, eh?

Thirdly- codeine. Strong opiate used for analgesia, gives me unbearable nausea and turns me into a zombie. Don't take it unless I'm screaming in agony, but it does pretty much kill the pain, mainly because I'm so off my face. Side effects include constipation which is a pain in the bum (pun intended.)

And finally- cyclizine. Actually an anti-histamine used as an anti-emetic which I find very effective for nausea and vomiting. Not too many side effects thankfully, though I can't always tell ME and side effects apart!

But what would happen if I stopped taking all these medications? Would I die? Probably not. Would I feel better because of no side effects? Possibly. I hate the way anti-depressants alter who I am; I lose my vibrancy when I'm on them. Yeah, I don't get as depressed and suicidal  but I can't feel happy either. It makes my emotions grey-scale  I'm gunna see how they go for a month or so, but if they're not helping more than they're hindering, I'm going to stop taking them, with doctor's permission of course. I don't want to become dependant on any medications, yet I somehow need them to survive life as me. ME, as well as mental health problems is not an easy road to ride, but I'm going to keep riding it as long as I can, and I always believe there's hope for getting better from both.

Big love and hugs to you all- Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

A few of my favourite things

Hey guys, so I'm not feeling up to much emotionally, but I thought I'd share with you some of my favourite books, films, bands and things! I've got really varied tastes, but I'll dabble with a bit of anything, as long as it's not scary! If you like any of the things I mention, tell me, and if you have anything to recommend, let me know! I'd love to hear from you.

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are book which you can't tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.” -The fault in our stars, John Green

'The fault in our stars' is my all time favourite book, it's such a beautiful portrayal of illness; chronic and terminal, and also romance. Green touches on some raw nerves with such delicacy and charm, that you have to read on. This story warms your heart on one page, then rips it out on the next, the emotions are so tender and true. Yet there's a spark of humour and lightness to it- it's not a heavy read. I've been listening to it on audio book almost every few days, and I think it's simply the best.

Another book that I've found great to read recently had been 'The woman who went to bed for a year' by Sue Townsend. This is a brilliant novel that hilariously de-constructs modern family life. With the characters developed sensitively and many common family issues tackles with a lot of tact and grace, I really enjoyed reading this book whilst on holiday in New Zealand- I bought it at the airport. When Eva's twins head off to university, she climbs into bed and stays there for a year. It's such a honest tale, and I really enjoyed reading it as it was funny too, making me laugh and cry on the same page.

I've also been introduced to some new music of late; my friend Patrick sent me a link to a song by a band named 'Templeton Pek' and I really love the sound they make, it's classic English rock but somehow it feels fresh and new. I think they're really talented and although they are reasonably well known in Europe, the British 'pop culture' means that they're overlooked in our country. Such a great up-and-coming band shouldn't be ignored! (If anyone wants to buy me their new album, 'signs' I will bake you cookies!)

Recommended by the Author of 'The fault in our stars' John Green, I listened to some of Ruby Day's music. This London teenager is so amazingly talented, I cannot stop listening to her. This song in particular, 'doubts' really spoke to me as the lyrics say so much of what I feel. I really hope she makes it as a top singer/songwriter.

'I guess it's just one of those nights, where I can't get out of my head. I guess I'll be all right, I should probably just go to bed.

But the future scares me I'm not gunna lie, 'cause although I'm bright I'm not smart enough to try- for fear of failing when I've really done my best.

And I've come dangerously close, to giving this all up. I stare into my tea like the answer's hidden in a flipping cup. So put that record on again, I'll confess this to you like we're old friends, but we're not.'

Another song that really hit home was one I found as backing track on a parkour video (yes I watch people jumping off buildings and stuff for fun- don't judge me) and it's 'Modern Leper' by frightened rabbits. The lyrics again and the style of the music was so powerful. These words remind me of how I felt with Jacob sometimes.

'Well, is that you in front of me?

Coming back for even more of exactly the same.

You must be a masochist to love a modern leper on his last leg.

Well, I am ill, but I'm not dead

And I don't know which of those I prefer,

because that limb which I have lost-

well, it was the only thing holding me up.'

On a more positive note, I have some of my all time favourite films to share with you. The first of which being 'The Aristocats.' I just find it so cute, I mean who doesn't love Disney?! Thomas O'Malley is so cool and Duchess is so prim and proper, and with my love of all things feline- who can blame me for loving this?

I really like watching kids films, especially when I'm poorly. Jacob introduced me to Studio Ghibli, a Japanese anime film company, and when I watched 'My neighbour Totoro,' I fell in love with the characters and the animation style. I like other films by them too, such as 'Howl's moving castle,' and 'The cat returns.'

Onto TV shows now and I have to admit I am a sucker for medical dramas! I have no idea why though seeing as I really really hate hospitals- they're terrifying. I first got into the BBC's Casualty when I was fifteen and then found out about 'Holby City' which is a mid-week drama set in the same hospital. My favourite character; Tara Lowe- a first year doctor with a brain tumour and a wit as sharp as any razor, unfortunately died during an operation to reduce the size of the tumour, and I actually cried- sad I know! But when you're so isolated with a chronic illness, book and television characters become your friends- they are a part of your life that doesn't change, and who don't abandon you because of your illness or disability. 

So now I've bored you to death with some of the stuff I like, I have a couple of announcements to make. I will not have internet at my new place, which although disappointing might give me some time to work on some stuff that I've been meaning to do for ages. However- have no fear! I will still be blogging once a week, on whatever regular day I can manage to get over to my parents old house and use the internet! (I think it'll probably be Friday) I'm moving today so a little apprehensive, but hopefully it'll all go well and I'll update you soon!

Much loves, Peace out!
Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

Heartbreak, homes, and hospitals.

So I appreciate I've somewhat abandoned the blog for the past week or so, sorry. I've had a really awful time, involving being admitted to hospital, having a serious panic attack in the hospital on the day of my anniversary with Jacob, Jacob breaking up via Facebook with me two days later on the grounds that he can no longer handle my illness, me deciding to move back in with my parents if they can rent somewhere with downstairs bedroom/bathroom, and generally huge changes.

As you'd expect, these events have caused a huge M.E. relapse and so I'll most likely not be posting very often on here because doing anything more than about 10 minutes wears me out. Needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods, or the best of health. My world has been shattered, turned upside down, and the broken remains thrown into the sea. 

But I will come through this, I have survived much worse things, and I know I'm strong enough to cope. Well, with the support of my wonderful friends and lovely family, I will get through this. I'm sorry if I don't talk to you, or open up to you, it's nothing personal, there's just a few people I want to talk to and lots of people who I'd rather not. It's not your fault, I just can't really handle much right now.

Expect my blog posts to be reasonably awful for some time, I do apologise but the blog is only as good as the blogger and right now your blogger is going through the mill somewhat. I love you guys loads, stay strong. Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

It's M.E. awareness day!

*ANNOUNCEMENT*

30 posts, 10 months, and 5000 views!

I'm so unbelievably pleased as today is M.E. awareness day,
and I've hit 5000 views, which was my goal, my deadline being today!

So thank you all for your ongoing support and readership, it really makes me so pleased, and lets me know that the energy I spend on this blog is worth it.

*ANNOUNCEMENT*

So let's get on with the M.E. awareness day post shall we?
Firstly, I've made a video, specifically to raise awareness of severe M.E. the 25% group. The sound quality isn't great as my speech isn't always very good but it's not very complex or hard to watch so I'd really appreciate it if you all watched it:

And in true M.E. fashion, I am unable to finish what was going to be a spectacular post as I've taken a huge turn for the worst. Great. Sorry.

Well folks, I love you all lots,
Happy M.E. awareness day,
Alice
xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

Alice's top 10 things that can make surviving severe M.E. a little bit easier!

Hi guys, this is a fairly picture heavy post, but I wanted to share with you some of the aids I find helpful living with severe M.E. Not all of these will be relevant or helpful to all of you, but I'm hoping there will be something here for all of you.

A whiteboard can be really useful if you need to communicate with someone but do not have the energy to speak, for example carers or family members. Of course, you have to be able to write and for some this is harder, but if you find speaking an issue then a whiteboard is great. Plus they can be fun for simple games such as tic tac toe and hangman.

Many people with M.E. suffer with insufficient temperature regulation, I certainly do; having a high fever at night or feeling too cold but still sweaty. I find if you can cope with the noise from a fan, it can be really helpful to keep you cool, and to keep the air moving around the room. Wearing thin layers of clothing can help too, as you can easily add or subtract layers to keep yourself comfortable.

The only problem I have with the 'grabby stick' or 'easy reacher' is that I often don't have the grip in my hands to operate it. However, if you still have fairly good hands but can't sit up to reach something, then it's really useful.

If you're bed-bound like me, a commode is essential. Some of you may need to use the bedpan, but for those of you who can transfer with help and sit up for a few minutes the commode will be very useful. One with wheels can be useful too especially if you don't have a wheelchair to use indoors. You can ask you occupational therapist and they should provide one for you.

This is something else that the occupational therapist can provide for you if you are predominantly bed bound, and they also do seat cushions if you're in a chair for a lot of the day. They stop you getting sores on your pressure areas, though it's still important to move every so often if you're able, or ask your carers to roll you over.

So I usually use my hydrant (like a bottle with a long tube and a valve on which syphons liquid through thus illiminating the need to suck) but if you can't lift a cup and you're looking for a cheaper alternative, I recommend using straws. However, if you struggle to suck, as I sometimes do, you may ask a carer to spoon liquid into your mouth, though this takes some getting used to.

My eye-mask and sunglasses are two of my best friends! For those of you who are light sensitive, and those of you with insomnia, these are indispensable!

Or ear plugs if you can't handle the pressure of something on your head, or you're not as sensitive. I tend to use mine if there's any building work or lawnmowers going on, or if I'm having a bad sensitivity day.

Hot water bottles are really good for easing pain, particularly stomach cramps and back pain. However they can be dangerous, as they are filled with hot water, so wheat bags you microwave are sometimes more useful, though I cannot handle the smell of these.

Good family and friends make all the difference, as well as supportive carers, and decent medical health professionals. Many of us with M.E. can lose relationships through this illness; lack of communication, disbelief, frustration and such, but keep hold of the friends that stick by you through everything, they are treasures.

I hope this has helped a little, and given you some ideas you may not have had in the past. Tomorrow is M.E. awareness day and I'll be writing a special post as well as uploading a video to my YouTube account: Thoughts From Alice which I'll include in tomorrow's post.

Love you,
Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

Launching 'Thoughts from Alice'

Hey there guys, just a quick update to announce the launch of my creative blog 'Thoughts from Alice' This is a blog where I can share my more creative work with you; my poetry and writing. I'm not the best poet in the world or a world-acclaimed writer, but seeing as many of you enjoyed the poem 'At the edge of the water.' I've set up a special blog just for my writing. I really hope you enjoy reading my work. I've posted a couple of poems already!
Love Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

Roller-Coaster

Hey guys, So I started writing a blog post the other day and it read as follows:

'So recently I've been feeling angry and apathetic; emotionally burned out, and starting to loathe the human race as a whole. Don't get me wrong guys- individually I love you, but collectively? Not so much. Humanity has become so stupid over recent years, and without insinuating some huge superiority complex, I think my boyfriend and I are among the few remaining people of our generation who aren't actually idiots. I'm going to sound terribly arrogant in this post, and I apologise; it isn't my intention- I'm as bad as the next person in reality, though sometimes I feel like a completely different species.'

I realised how resentful and bitter I sounded once I'd read it back, and truth be told, my emotions have been all over the shop recently. I have a lovely evening last night with my boyfriend and it's left me in a great mood, but I'm so changeable. One minute I'll be happy and laughing, the next, in a pit of despair, usually triggered by a spike in my symptoms. I've also been feeling really poorly the last few days. I think I've somewhat overdone it of late but I'm struggling to pace properly. I'm still in the boom and bust routine and finding it really hard to break.

I found this video today, and it broke my heart. This girl speaks from the heart, but from the heart of any person with chronic illness, and especially my own at the moment:

'Being continually ill and continually sick and fighting every day, because your body is in so much physical pain... I'm exhausted, and I've put on a happy face for most of the time that I've been sick, because I think that if you decide that you can be strong and decide that you can be positive, then you can make it through...

You have this hope for so long, that things are gunna get better, that you're gunna wake up in the morning and there's gunna be some cure to make you feel better and to make all the physical pain and all the emotional pain go away, and there's not. There's absolutely nothing to do to cure this. How unfair is that? 

Not only is that just so unfair, but it sucks! Because I don't wanna be sick. I don't wanna wake up in the morning and know that it's gunna be a hard day. Again... I've been unable to be so strong and just be positive. And so instead of letting people in and letting them be there for me and help me I just continually push them away because now I'm just angry. I was supposed to be healthy and I was supposed to get better and I was supposed to be fine. And I'm not.

And it's so tremendously hard, to be so sick. I don't know how to explain to somebody who isn't sick, knowing that you're gunna be sick forever is the worst feeling ever. And knowing that there's really not a lot that can be done for you is the worst thing ever. And then to feel like you're hurting others around you because you're going through so much, so much that you can barely even explain. How do you explain to somebody that you hate your body? You hate what it's done to your life and you just wanna be healthy. How do you explain that to somebody? How do you make somebody understand how difficult this is to go through? You can't.

And it's so hard, to be sick forever. I don't know what's been with me lately but I've been angry instead of positive or a fighter, I've just been angry. And I think that's probably fair, cause at some point I deserve to be angry but it's so painful. Emotionally, physically and it just is too much to handle sometimes. I wish that I could tell all of the people that I've probably hurt that I'm so sorry. And to all of the people that have been there for me that I appreciate your help so much, because if it weren't for people like you in my life then I wouldn't still be okay. So thank you so much for everything you've done for me. Thank you for being supportive, probably when you didn't know what to say- I wouldn't know what to say to me.

I'm totally gunna make it through this, and I'm gunna make it over this hump, and I'm gunna get to a healthier place and a better place. I'm gunna get to a point where this is all just a part of my life that I went through. Maybe not totally, but I'm gunna try. I'm gunna really try and get there. So if those of you who know me personally, can you just stick it out that'd be really great. Your love means more to me than I can even explain, your friendship, and the care and happiness that you bring to me helps give me hope, because some days I don't know that I'm gunna make it through.

So lesson of the day, if you know someone who's sick, give them a hug and tell them they're beautiful. Because everything they're going through is probably a lot more than you know. Show them you care, and show them how special they are to you, because most of the time it's what helps keep me going.'

I asked in my questionnaire about what having M.E. felt like and this is my favourite response:

'A roller-coaster ride with slow motion parts. Boredom and sadness interspersed with high speed drama. Most of the time I have no speed control, or control of anything at all, including my brain, my pain, my plans.'

This life, this illness, it's a roller-coaster ride. And you know what? I wanna get off so badly right now. But I've gotta hold on, I've gotta keep fighting, even if the last little bit of fight has all gone out of me. And so do you. Because people love you, and people need you. I know you can do it.

If you need to talk to anyone about how you're feeling, don't hesitate to email me: daleymaid@gmail.com.

Peace,
Alice <3 xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

I need your help!

Hi guys!

So M.E. awareness week is coming up and I want to make a video or at least a decent blog post for May 12th (M.E. awareness day) and I'd like your help making it please!I'm planning on filling the video/post with quotes from people with M.E. because I think a bunch of facts doesn't always do very much. I'm going to be focussing on the 25% group as that's where I fall but if you're less severely affected I'd love to hear from you too.

So parents, relatives, carers, sufferers and anyone else, I'd like you to answer me some questions:
1. What does M.E. feel like?
Not just a list of symptoms, but an honest description. 
2. How does M.E. affect your life?
This could be giving up education or a career perhaps.
3. How does M.E. affect your relationships?
Do you socialise, have you lost family or friends?
4. What is the worst part of having M.E. for you?
Maybe a particular symptom or a big lifestyle change you've had to make.
5. How can someone else help you?
What things can people do to make this horrific illness a little easier for you?

There are no right or wrong answers and I think 5 questions is plenty for you to be going on with and you can write as much or as little as you want, but I'd really appreciate responses to this!
(if you don't want to comment on this post feel free to email me at daleymaid@gmail.com)

Thank you in advance, 
Alice
xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

The Zoe Challenge

Hello friends, I hope you are all as well as possible,

Well last weekend I went to a ball with my friend Dean, a charity ball to be exact, to launch something I'm really excited about; the Zoe Challenge. I've not posted about it until now as I was utterly exhausted from the outing, and have been really poorly since the weekend. 

But what is the Zoe Challenge  I hear you ask?
In about a week, four men including Emmerdale's Tom Lister (I have no idea about soaps but apparently he played Carl King who got his head bashed in with a brick...) are cycling from Riga, Latvia to Southampton, UK in just 20 days. Covering approximately 100 miles every day, together they will push their bodies to the limit, crossing through six countries and cycling in challenging and gruelling conditions. They are doing this cycle ride because of Zoe. Zoe was trafficked from Latvia into the UK for the purposes of sexual exploitation. In our country she was repeatedly raped for profit. After months of investigation, Hope for Justice found and rescued Zoe. Now she’s living in freedom.

From the Hope for Justice website:

Zoe was asked to come to the UK from Eastern Europe by a friend who said she could arrange a job for her in a hotel. Zoe was excited about the opportunity to come to the UK and on her arrival she was picked up by a man and a woman and taken to a hotel. Then she was handed some underwear and told to put it on. Zoe was confused and said she hadn't come to the UK for this kind of job but she was threatened, violently assaulted and told she was in debt to the couple. She was raped on multiple occasions and forced to work as a prostitute.

Zoe’s hopes quickly turned to horror as she realised that she had been trafficked. 

Moved from town to town in the UK and then sold to another trafficker, Zoe was too terrified to escape. The traffickers had told her that if she tried to leave they would come after her family. At one point a police officer even spoke to her but she was too scared to tell him what was really going on. The traffickers had told her that they ‘owned the police’. Zoe said that no good thing had happened to her in the UK.

Hope for Justice found Zoe and rescued her from this devastating situation.

She was immediately placed into after-care to allow her to recover and now she’s rebuilding her life. Good things are now happening to Zoe in the UK. She now has hope and we, here at Hope for Justice, have hope for all the girls not yet found.

Freedom is priceless- I know what it feels like to be trapped. Not to the same extent as the victims of this horrific crime, but the terror was much the same. When I was rescued from my trap, the feeling of freedom I experienced was phenomenal. It is the most indescribable feeling in the world, I felt light, I felt like singing and dancing, and we can bring that same freedom into the lives of men and women as old as 59 and children as young as just three months old, who have been sold and abused, for profit.

You might be thinking 'hang about, wasn't the slave trade abolished in 1807 by Wilberforce?' or even 'well that stuff goes on in poor countries but what's it got to do with me?' You are very wrong. Human trafficking is one of the fastest growing crimes in the UK. If you're one of my local readers, you'll be shocked to know that there have been cases of exploitation in Wrexham, Chester and even Shrewsbury. This is not a distant crime in a third world country, this is on our doorsteps! I could throw more statistics at you, but instead I want you to watch this:

Zoe's Story from Hopeforjustice on Vimeo.

You can find out more about Hope for Justice and the Zoe Challenge on their websites:
http://hopeforjustice.org.uk/
http://zoechallenge.com/

You can donate by visiting The Zoe Challenge Just Giving Page or you can text ZOEC55£10 to 70070 to give £10 or text ZOEC55£5 to 70070 to give £5.

Thank you for supporting this really amazing cause. You are helping to rescue princesses.
With so much love,
Alice xxxx
© Alice Daley 2013

The edge of the water

I wrote this poem one beautiful summers evening whilst sitting on a rickety old jetty on lake Taupo, New Zealand.

The edge of the water is calm,

The edge of the water is tranquil,

The edge of the water is my space,

To look, to listen, to think.

The water birds gently glide past,

The boats cruise by with ease,

Making waves in the cool water;

Ripples on the glass.

I sit at the edge in the quiet,

I lie at the edge in the still,

I rest at the edge in the silence,

In the warm, summer evening.

I ponder the meaning of life,

I think a billion thoughts,

I write out a thousand words;

These things in my head.

Down here I forget my toils,

Down here I forget my pains,

Down here I forget my struggles,

And I breathe deep.

The edge of the water is calm,

The edge of the water is tranquil,

The edge of the water is my space,

To look, to listen, to think.

© Alice Daley 2013

A real-life relationship

So it's coming up to a year that Jacob and I have been an item, and I realised recently that we have a 'real-life' relationship. But what do I mean by that?

When you first meet someone, and you realise that you like them, you will modify your behaviour accordingly. You'll accentuate what you see as your best traits and hide some of your less attractive qualities. You may be a little slap dash with the truth, embellishing anecdotes and such, to make you seem like a more desirable partner. Everyone does it, it's not something to be ashamed of; it is simply human nature. 

First impressions count for a lot and can lead us to have false expectations of a person, based on their initial character and behaviour. A woman who seems very loud in the club will be assumed to be a confident and strong-willed one, whereas that nerdy guy you meet in the library is expected to be quiet and awkward. When we 'fall in love' we try to act as perfectly as we can, and that can lead to the danger of our lover believing we are perfect, and feeling more than a little put out when we inevitably hurt them or let them down. 

But humans aren't perfect. We are all flawed beings, even your partner will do things that annoy and upset you, but being a couple is not about living up to one-another's expectations. It's about reality; and sticking together through all of the tougher stuff.

In reality, everyone argues, everyone disagrees, and everyone gets hurt, even by the people that promise they'll never hurt you. A relationship where you never have a single disagreement at all is a very unhealthy one, as it probably means one half of the partnership is dominant, the other submissive. 

Relationships are about give and take, winning some battles and losing others, but not getting caught up on who hurt who and when. It's about unconditional love, forgiveness and reconciliation. I may not be the most experienced in relationships, but I've learnt a lot over the past year, and I'm still learning. And I've noticed a few things that can make things go a little more smoothly.
So, what are my top tips for a real-life relationship?

1. Let stuff go every once in a while, isn't your relationship worth more than a petty argument?
2. Assert yourself if something really matters to you, even if you'd rather just submit for a quieter life.
3. Try to strike the balance between assertion and submission, pick your battles carefully so you can protect what's most important to you.
4. Don't be scared of arguments; they are healthy at times.
5. Always make up before going to bed, never let things fester overnight.
6. Don't get other people involved unless you're sure they're going to help the situation, this is between you and your partner.
7. If you can't work things out in a few days, try and get an impartial third party to hear both sides of the story.
8. A kiss and a cuddle makes all the difference, remind yourself of all the positive things about your relationship, rather than focussing on a disagreement. 
9. Be real with one another, you can't live your whole life under the pretension that you're both perfect.
10. Be lovely people!

Peace Out,
Alice xxxx

© Alice Daley 2013

Warning: contains strong emotional content.

I just can't take any more. This illness, this life. I don't know how to do things right, and when I try I screw up. I am so anxious, so unhappy, and the only thing that makes me happy makes others unhappy. I care about other people more than myself, but sometimes I wish someone would put me first. I know that sounds awful and I'm sure there are people who put me first and stuff but I just can't handle things right now. I need support more than ever and all I get from people is telling me how I've messed up, or that they can't deal with me. I need someone, who will always be there, through all the pain and everything. I know everyone's just human, and everyone needs a break, but I give people a break and they still ask for more. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I tell the truth, that I'm not okay. And people can't handle it. Would I be better saying 'I'm fine.' to everything, I don't know. At least then I'd be the only one getting hurt then. I get hurt anyway. I feel guilty for upsetting people, and I just don't know how to make things right. I am a bad person, and I hate myself. Because I know that tonight I will probably hurt myself because of someone who upset me. They didn't mean to, they were trying their hardest to help, but they had to go and now I'm left all alone with my thoughts. My thoughts will churn around in my head, they will grow and provoke me and hurt me. I feel so out of control at the moment. I don't want counselling, I don't want to be changed. I just want someone to accept me and love me as I am without changing me. I know I'm a horrid person but maybe I'm just better off alone, that way I can't hurt anybody.

I'm not writing this for support or sympathy. I'm not writing this to make people feel guilty about not being there for me, or abandoning me. I don't want anyone to read this and feel hurt, I just need to get the thoughts out of my head before I do something utterly stupid. I was told tonight that I am manipulative, that I use intense emotional cues to get my own way. This hurt me, because I have never been someone like that, and I didn't think I was like that. I have become much more intensely emotional since becoming ill, and that's put massive strains on all my relationships, but I thought people understood that a lot of the time it's the illness talking to me. I want to shut down and hide, to not contact the outside world at all. Maybe it'll be easier that way, maybe it will be harder. But all the same I just hope I can get through this, and not hurt any more people. I just want it to be okay, and I don't know what I can do to make it okay. I am exhausted, but I need company, I am desperately lonely and all I need is someone to talk to me. But I only want one person. They always make it better, they always make it okay. And now I feel like I've driven them away and it's all my fault and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry, ramblings over. 

© Alice Daley 2013