Happiness

Honestly, I think right now I am happier than I have ever been before in my life. I don't mean in the moment happiness, that comes and goes as quick as the wind changes. But widespread happiness, that seeps into every little corner of my little life. Joy. Happiness that isn't based on circumstance or health or situation. But let's say it was...

I have a best friend for the first time in a long time, someone who is my absolute soul sibling. I couldn't imagine my life without them, and they keep me going when times get tough. Although we met online through a mutual fandom, we have met in real life now a few times, and each time we meet we get closer. I can tell them anything, and have even imposed my love of hamsters onto them! We have been through an awful lot of bad stuff together, and kept each other going throughout. It's the first relationship I've had where things feel mutually dependant and it's awesome, as I never thought I'd have another best friend.

I have salvaged a relationship that meant a lot to me from tatters. The relationship had become unhealthy for both parties and took an unexpected turn at the end of the summer when both of us had breakdowns. Now our friendship is back on track and so much healthier than before, and the weight of caring for me has been lifted from one person's shoulders, and spread across a larger range of people. I had an amazing day with them today, and I was so happy that our friendship was strong enough to survive what we went through. This person knows me inside out and back to front, has cared for me for many years, puts up with my silly antics and is just generally my favourite butthead.

Not to mention my amazing animal rescue buddy and fellow spoonie, who although I have only met a handful of times, is one of my closest friends. This person grieves with me, laughs with me, cries with me, and gets stupidly excited about little things with me. They have been there on many a pain-filled sleepless night, or stayed up with me whilst I nursed a sick animal, and I've done the same for them. They have shaped my life in ways they don't even know, and I'm so blessed to have them.

I have a group of amazing friends around me, every time I log into messenger there's a message waiting for me or someone online to talk to. I have my crazy animal friends and fellow animal group admins, I have my amazing and inspiring spoonie friends, I have miscellaneous friends I've picked up on my journey, and they're all absolutely amazing. Friends I've lived with, friends who've picked up the pieces after I've fallen apart. Friends who send me cute animal pictures when I'm down, just friends. Friends are an alien concept to me and initially I was suspicious that they were all just an elaborate ruse to pick on me. I love you all so much.

I am living with an amazing family who love me so much and I love them. It's a hectic house full of people and animals and kids and stuff, and I love it. Each member of the family makes me smile, from the smallest to the oldest. I feel so welcome and loved here, and being here is helping me adjust to living in community successfully. Yes there have been many failures and difficulties, but instead of just kicking me out at the first sign of difficulty, they have supported me to overcome the problems that I struggle with. I don't know what I'd do without them.

That brings me onto my church family. I am delighted to be back in a church after a horrible experience in a different church which put me off the idea for many months. Church family is so amazing, it helps me feel loved and valued, it helps me practically when I need it, and it brings me closer to God.

As well as this, my relationships with my blood family are the strongest they've ever been, I can have conversations with my parents without crippling anxiety. I am better at staying in touch with my sisters and no longer dread seeing my brother. I love my nephews and neices to bits, and I'm so glad I've overcome my issues surrounding family, as they all mean so much to me.

I could go on and on about how amazingly blessed I feel. I could write reams and reams all about university, my beloved animals, and much much more. I'm a very blessed individual who needs to spend less time moaning and more time being thankful and grateful for the amazing things in my life.

© Alice Daley 2015